ME

People keep telling chanting is good attending mtg is good. as a leader now myself i really wish i could go back to being a member. my schedule is so pack tat i could hardly breathe. there's alot of things i would really like to do but my pysical state cant seem to hold on

seriously i really feel v stress. everytime after mtg we should feel revitalise, refresh and more inspired. but sadly not for me. sometimes i really hope tat i can juz drop everything n hide inside a hole. juz like an ostrich. i dun feel happy doing all these. i dun even know if all these are the correct things for me. buddhist is supposed to teach good, but apparently i'm not doing good. wad ever tat didnt happened in the past happened in my life.

every night i feel so tired tat i juz go straight to my room n lock my eyes to the comp or my hand to the receiver. communications to family seems to be a chore, i feel tat they hv the same frequncy tgt accept me. wadever they say, the tone they used it on me i really cannot accept. at home all i wanna do is to juz shut up n hide. i really cannot take the stress anymore. alot of times i really feel v confused n dunno wad to do. everybody have their own struggle and this is my struggle of finding my identity. funny tat others find it while they are in their teens while i hv already past tat age. i really dunno whether it's a good thing tat i acceot so many appointment. others might find it alrite but i find it really hard to cope.stress n pressure is all i have,

whenever we encourage others, we will b able to encourage ourselves but strangely not for my case..*shake head*..i really dunno wad's wrong with me. or is this my struggle my karma tat only i myself can find it...